A haiku from the author Michael Bungay Stanier summarizing his book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way Your Lead Forever:
“Tell less and ask more.
Your advice is not as good
As you think it is.”
I need to print this and put it in a frame on my desk always in sight when I’m talking to people in my office. I’m prone to jump straight to what I think are solutions or helpful stories.
“That reminds me of a story…”
I’m becoming that guy.
Default to listening, not talking. Sit out the awkward gaps in conversation and wait.
Ask, “What’s on your mind?” Then keep at it by following up with “And what else?”
Leadership and friendship and human connection of any sort are all better served by sincere efforts to understand instead of attempting to be understood.